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Aug. 28, 2005 - addicted to coding!
That should be a clique, maybe I'll make it one. :P Remember that song by Styx, "Too Much time On My Hands"? Well, that is my song. Here is site #34. *drum roll* heart stricken listings is a web site directory for personal sites, cliques, rings, ezines, whatever. I was deleting folders when I stumbled across this site which I created back in 2003. I forgot all about it. (Egad.) So with a few minor modifications, it is now open for business.
Pluggage! platinum-blonde, Otto, Candy Mandy's Blog, and Sandee.
 pondered at 8:25pm Sunday
| ---------------------------------------------------------Aug. 27, 2005 - this and that
Happy weekend! Or something. I've had a blast making site *drum roll* #33! Faerylicious Plugs. It's a fast, free plug board site where you can direct link your 88x31 button and get more hits to your site. There's a whole galaxy of plug sites out there, it's a nifty idea, so I thought "Why not? I can do this." lol
Not much else going on really. I got a letter from Jeremy, he's counting the days until he can get out. So am I. He says he just wants to be good and never get into trouble. He says he will have a hard time trusting girls from now on and who can blame him? Talk about a horrible raw deal.
I need to visit my cyber pals, it's been ages, they probably think I don't like them anymore, but I've just been trying to stay busy and not think too much.
Next Thursday is payday...I hope and pray I will not buy any more cigs, I've had no money so I haven't smoked in almost 2 weeks. The first week was godawful with cravings and such, but they've tapered off and I've even stopped coughing. I haven't been around any smokers for awhile, but I don't know what will happen when I smell a cigarette, I'll probably want one. >_< Willpower, willpower!
Have a good weekend kittens and stay safe! xoxo
You Know You're Addicted to Internet When...
Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them.
You dream in HTML.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You step out of the room and realize that your roommates have moved and you don't have any idea when it happened.
You turn up the volume really loud when leaving the room so you can hear if anyone IM's you.
Looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice that you've been to all of them.
Your pet has its own webpage.
You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated by a 17" LCD Flat-Panel Monitor.
The last hottie you picked up was only a jpeg.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost you to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
Your sweetie says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and network them together so that you can IM each other anytime.
You have more browsers than friends in the real world.
You run four chat programs all at once; Yahoo Messenger, ICQ, AIM and MSN.
The letters have come off your keyboard from excessive use.
You order pizza online - because you can't be bothered to call.
The last movie you saw was on your Quicktime player.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to the internet.
Lotta fun, lotta fun. =)
pondered at 10:49pm Saturday
| ---------------------------------------------------------Aug. 14, 2005 - despair is my bane
Have you ever been so sad and distraught that your friends stop coming over because they don't know what to say? Everyday I think of Jeremy and it's eating me alive. I read too much, I know too much, and sometimes the injustice in this world is just too much. Jeremy has been a good boy all his life, he got trophies in school, he was popular, he's always worked, he was a good boy. What does it say about our society when a girl can accuse a boy of false rape and get a way with it? Jeremy liked Amber, he was so happy when they dated for 2 months. She came to my house, ate my food, sat on my couch with my son and watched movies. But she told the court they never dated and that he "attacked" her. I know some people think their child can do no wrong, and try to help them by denying the truth, but I know my son. He told me how much he liked this girl, how beautiful he thought she was, how happy he was to date her. He told me that when they made love, he felt whole and alive. But Amber wanted to date some other guy who rejected her, so she reported Jeremy for attempted rape. Why? This means a girl can get mad and abuse the system and claim rape if she wants. This just sticks in my craw as I have been a person who abhors rape and violence towards women. I have been raped. There is nothing like having sex against your will. Nothing. I feel for all those women who have been so violated. My heart breaks for them. But not for Amber. No. She even told people she did this because she didn't want to date Jeremy anymore. Why didn't she just tell him this? Why? How could she come to my house and eat and watch tv and then go accuse my son of this? She was kissing him and holding him at my house before they went to Gio's house the night this "supposedly" happened. I am still shell shocked. My friends don't know what to do with me. I don't know what to do with me. So Jeremy goes to prison and writes to me and says if he doesn't join the Aryan Brotherhood he will be sodomized and beat up. Can you imagine the horror? He wasn't raised to be prejudiced, it never entered my mind to teach him bigotry. Yet now he has to get a swastika tattoo and join this group of white supremists to stay alive in prison. It's too much. He's never been in trouble in his life. He kisses his animals, bathes them, loves them, he loves me, he's always been such a good son. He bought me the LOTR trilogy for my birthday last year. He bought me a cushion pad for my bed because he knew it was lumpy and uncomfortable. He's always been thoughtful, remembering my birthday and Mother's Day and so many other little things.
His SSI check didn't come this month so I called SSI and they said his payments have been suspended while he is in prison. I was paying his bills for him and his rent on his apt, but now he's lost it. I live on $579 a month, no way can I pay his rent of $265. This mess has cost him so much. He's humiliated and broken. Do you know how hard it is to see your child broken? For something he didn't even do? It's the hardest thing I've ever faced. I would trade places with him in a heart beat if I could. I HATE Amber for doing this. That's all I have, helpless, impotent rage and hate towards this messed up girl. Praying doesn't help, nothing helps. What is faith? Is it easy to have faith if your life is going ok? God doesn't save you, he doesn't right wrongs or injustice. I envy people who have that blissful faith that everything is God's will. I don't. I had it once long ago when I was young and naive. No more. I miss my son and I'm in a deep dark chasm I can't get out of. His horror is my horror, his hell my hell. I have no faith, no hope and no solution. All I can do is cry and live in this deep dark chasm. I'm lonely and sad and frightened and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. And that is the ultimate frustration.
Peace, kittens. Have a good weekend.
pondered at 1:02am Sunday
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