Dec. 31, 2005 - it's over, what now?

Happy New Year kittens. Yay. Forgive me for having some trepidation about the upcoming year. Jeremy's 6 months was up Oct. 26, and he's still in prison. This is intolerable to me. I'm writing every week until the attorney answers me and gets off his ass and files the papers to get Jeremy released. Once they are in the court system, I can look forward to court dates and hearings. Yeah, I'm a little nervous about the new year.

On a somber note, my domain kieben.com is still offline. I am counting the hours until midnight (or so) when it comes back online. I am debating on purchasing more bandwidth, as heart-stricken.net is up for renewal and I don't want to lose it. How I'm going to pay for it is another story. Infuriating godaddy.com doesn't accept money orders. I have to pay with an online check or credit card (neither of which I have) or make a gold something account...grrr...my PayPal account is all screwed up thanks to the bank which is another story...it's always something. It's just another day here.

Have a safe Happy New Year kittens!

Paulina pondered at 6:50pm Saturday

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Dec. 30, 2005 - oy vey

For the first time in 4 years of paying for my own web space, I've gone over my bandwidth allotment for the month, thus my site is gone. Or rather 23 of them, everything on kieben.com, with all my toplists and plugboards looking like crap with no images. I am buying more bandwidth as soon as possible. (I left geocities because of this.) The one thing keeping me sane is knowing my sites will be back online Sunday, January 1. *chants* "it will be okay, it will be ok..."

Paulina pondered at 6:04pm Friday

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Dec. 21, 2005 -

Interested in learning more about the deaf? I found some more links and I thought I would share them with you. Merry Christmas!

Learn simple ASL (American Sign Language)
Scientific Signs for Kids
ASL University
ASL Browser
Religon Signs
Deaf Newspaper
Koko the Gorilla
Kids World Deaf Net
American Society 4 Deaf Kids
Basic Dictionary of ASL Terms
American Deaf Culture
Global Deaf Culture
Sound and Fury
Deaf Culture/Community
ASL Where
Deaf Resource Library
N.I.D.C.D.
ASL Silent Night
ASL Manuel
ASL Videos
ASL Info
ASL Resources
ASL Explore
Deaf Culture 101
Deaf Information
History and Importance
Sign Media
The Deaf Culture

Gad, I miss Jeremy. *sigh*

Paulina pondered at 10:00pm Wednesday

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Dec. 18, 2005 - Christmas Fun

Santa Claus Naughty or Nice
Penguin Push
Snowboarding
Super-Santa Ski Jump
Santa's Village
Find The Snowman
Official NORAD Tracks Santa Website (2005)

Have fun!

You Are Prancer

You are the perfect reindeer, with perfect hooves and perfect flying form. Why You're Naughty: Because you're Santa's pet, and you won't let anyone show you up. Why You're Nice: You have the softest fur and the sweetest carrot breath.

Dec. 17, 2005 - encryption

I went looking for a free source code encryption script and I found one. Now my 3 most image heavy sites have the source code encrypted and it looks like gobbledy-gook. I hope thieves see it and give up. I know it's not entirely fool-proof, but I don't have $30 right now to shell out for software. I'm going to see how this works out. The encription link is here.

Liz rocks!

Paulina pondered at 10:37pm Saturday

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Dec. 16, 2005 - bleh & brrr

I am so cold today. It's 28 degrees F with a wind chill of 18. Maybe that is why I'm all bundled up with a scarf around my head and face in the house no less, and still freezing.

I'm getting creative with direct linkers. They want to direct link my images, then they shall have the pics of my choosing. For all pics that are direct linked by them, they are getting different surprises. For all Vai or Satriani pics posted to macho heavy metal or sports forums, they get a crappy pic of Britney Spears. For little goth wannabes, they get either Britney or Menudo. For little myspace.com thieves, they get nothing. For the kid who stole my Sam Gamgee icon for his profile, he now looks like adorable Britney instead. For all the little girls stealing my Diego Luna images, they get nothing or my big ugly yellow bandwidth graphic. For the jerk who was linking to one of my biggest animated custom made Vai graphics in his forum, he gets Britney too. For the people that took my Johnny Mathis pic, they get nothing. And so on. I also added a large direct linking warning to all my pages. I will fight back, I'm not kidding. I can't disable hotlinking because I should be able to direct link my own graphics where I please. So I will just play this stupid game with insistent direct linkers until they figure out that I'm in control, not them.

Google is a double edged sword. I get many hits from it, but people also use it to find and link to my images. Thank goodness for my c-panel. (I didn't have one at godaddy for some reason.) I just check my recent visitors list and I find out who's been to my domains and who's direct linking to my images. ISP, browser types, server info...yes, I love my c-panel. I love it as much as I dislike direct linkers.

I'm cold, I'm depressed, not sleeping, hardly eating and I miss my son. But you'll have that. Peace kittens.

Paulina pondered at 11:55pm Friday

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Dec. 12, 2005 - thinking of Jeremy

Littlest One 1986

My precious little boy, who brings me pain and joy. Who shares with me a place. A different sort of space. With childish wonder he takes life in. And in his impish little grin I see the insect on the ground, I watch the T.V. with no sound. I talk to him with my hands, he looks up and he understands. He is my son, you see. His name is Jeremy. He's not like you and me. For him the wind blows quietly. Waves crash in silence on the shore. There is no slamming of the door. The popcorn pops soundlessly. You see, he's not like you and me. He is my son, my Jeremy. And he is deaf.

Jeremy was born in Nov. 1983 in Ventura, Calif. His was a normal birth and he was 10 pounds, lusty and healthy. He was always a happy baby and was doted on my his parents and family friends. He grew up happily, though I noticed he never started talking. At 2 years old I took him to his pediatrician and asked him why Jeremy didn't talk. He said I was "too good of a mother", I basically fulfilled his needs so well that he didn't need to talk. The doctor told me to stop giving him things or answering him and this would force him to speak. Well, I tried it for 2 weeks but all it did was make Jeremy a very frustrated and angry toddler and me a frazzled mother. His other developement was fine, he seemed smart and alert, so I figured he'd talk when he was ready.

One day when Jeremy was 2 1/2, I was out walking with my friend. I was holding Jeremy's hand when suddenly the kids across the street kicked their ball into the road. Jeremy broke free and dashed into the road after it. I screamed at him terrified but he didn't react until a car came to a screeching halt just a few feet away from him. Then he looked up in surprise. I got to him and scooped him into my arms scolding and crying. I had to pacify the motorist who was very frightened and then I took Jeremy back to the sidewalk. I started to scold him when suddenly my friend grabbed my arm and said "Paulina, can he hear you? I don't think he heard you!" I said "What? Of course he heard me!" but then she grabbed me again and said "I don't think he can hear you!" Suddenly I stopped and everything clicked in my head. His never speaking, not coming when I called him, his "ignoring" me when I was out of his line of vision--it all started to make terrible sense. Shaking, we went back to my friend's house and soon had Jeremy playing with toys on the living room floor. When he was fully engrossed we snuck up behind him and crashed pans together, hit a tuning fork near his ear, yelled his name, clapped our hands...and then I knew. When I got home, I told his dad what had happened and immediately made another appointment with his pediatrician. When I saw the doctor, I told him everything again and he scheduled Jeremy for a hearing test. He was tested and tested and they finally told us he was profoundly deaf. His dad and I asked what should we do as we knew nothing about deafness. They said they would put us in touch with the Speech and Hearing Center and they could help us.

I came home and cried for 3 days. This was the first thing in my life I couldn't fix or change and the finality of it had me reeling. After the 3rd day, I wiped my tears and went to the library to see if they had any sign language books. They only had 4 little childrens books, but it was a start. I began learning the signs for basic things like food, potty, mommy, daddy, etc and then began to teach Jeremy. When his dad got home from work, we learned together. Jeremy caught on very quickly and I started reading everything I could about deafness. The Hearing and Speech Center was wonderful about getting us materials to learn more about raising a deaf child.

After many adjustments, we learned to be extra viligant about watching out for him and our signing vocabulary grew. He started school at 4 years old in a mainstream public school. He was mainstreamed (in a class with hearing children with an interpeter for him) until the 3rd grade. Then against my will, we enrolled him in The Ohio School for the Deaf in Columbus, OH. I thought he was too young to go, but he loved it and thrived! He graduated from OSD in 2002, and has grown into a fine, gentle young man. He has taught me patience and understanding for all people with disabilities, and is my pride and joy. I love his deaf friends and they teach me new things all the time. If someone had told me I was going to have a deaf child, I would've been incredulous, but it happened and I think my life has been enriched by it. I love Jeremy with all my heart and I will enjoy watching him become a husband and father someday. The poem was written from my deep feelings of love for him soon after we found out he was deaf.

Dec. 09, 2005 - oh well

Well my hopes and dreams have been shattered. It doesn't look like Jeremy will be home for Christmas. The legal system crawls along as it is and it seems to be even slower now that the holidays are here. I am so depressed and sad. He will probably be out in January which is wonderful, but I want him home now. I don't feel like plugging in the christmas tree or celebrating now. How can I have fun when he is in that awful place?

I have so many conflicting emotions. I'm distracting myself from my troubles by caring about other's. I have a true crime site and I've been hanging out there and at all the sites linked there. The Kelsey Briggs family has my deepest sympathy right now and I'm writing to the Oklahoma legislature to protest DHS handling of Kelsey's case. Her case hasn't gotten a lot of publicity outside OK, but hopefully us bloggers will change that. Check out the True Crime blogroll on the right to see what I mean. Lost In Lima Ohio has excellant coverage of Kelsey's case. The world seems like such a dark dank place at times.

My cable just went off so I'll have to upload this later. grrr I never had a single problem when I had Comcast cable internet, but Roadrunner is constantly going off and on and it definetly runs slower. I had to change cable companies when I moved here. Ah well. Somehow I guess it's not that big a problem compared to some. Peace kittens.

Paulina pondered at 2:30am Friday

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Dec. 01, 2005 - the end of the year is upon us

Gad, already! Every year I hope it will be a good one...so far it's not working. Especially for Jeremy. Please please please let him be home for Christmas. That's all I want, I'm not asking for anything else.

I think I'm done tweaking my sites, I know all the uploading is done. I find silly mistakes which I can't believe I make. :P I'm just such a perfectionist. Oh guess what. I signed up for Secret Santa this year. (Can't say where. shhhh) I did it last year and had a lot of fun. I love making someone else smile. I've already got their web site done, now I can spend the rest of the month filling it with gifts, adoptions and Christmas cheer. Doesn't take much to make me happy...

I walked to the pharmacy and I was pleased to see my little town square all decorated. The gazebo had a tree in it and there were colored lights everywhere. It was snowing lightly but not too cold. It definately put me in a christmasy mood. I came home and decorated these: I © Dogs Toplist, Paulina's Playground Top20 Family Sites and heart-stricken.net. Enjoy!

Paulina pondered at 8:44pm Thursday

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