June 29, 2006 -happy birthday to me

Greetings! Today is my special day and I'll be spending it with my son and the Puppy Couple. :P

Jeremy got the coolest thing yesterday. A deaf man came over and installed video relay for Jeremy on his tv using my pc modem and a router. Now Jeremy can talk to other deaf people using sign language instead of typing. It's a video camera connected to a network and anyone who is deaf is entitled to it for free! It uses my cell phone number but is seperate from my phone. He can call any number in the U.S for free and there is no extra charge, I just pay my cable bill as usual. He can see his friends and talk to them on his tv, isn't that neat? I'm so happy for him. We need to get a phone flasher at Radio Shack which is simply a light that attaches to the back of the camera console and flashes when someone calls him. It has caller id and records missed calls too. I think it's the coolest thing since sliced bread. :P He calls a special number and he gets a signing hearing operator or he calls his friends directly. I am so glad there is technology like this for the deaf. It will make his life a little less isolated and he can keep in touch with his friends anytime he wants! Doesn't take much to make me happy...

I hope everyone is well and has a good day. At my age a birthday is not a big deal, but it is a special day. I am not revealing my age though, as a lady never tells her true age. *lol* I just dated myself with that remark! Anyway, my arm is better and so am I. If anything neat happens I'll blog about it later. Toodles! xoxo

~Mel pondered at 12:01 am Thursday

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June 25, 2006 -greetings

Hello kittens, all is well, I'm just staying off the internet as my doctor advised and my arm does feel better. I have to see a specialist soon but I hope to be back online daily by next week. Jeremy is doing fine and we are both content.

Be safe and happy! xoxo

~Mel pondered at 6:05 pm Sunday

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June 14, 2006 -privacy issues

We got a visit from Jeremy's probation officer yesterday. She went through the apt as that is her job. Of course I was in my silk pajamas as I didn't go anywhere yesterday and wasn't thinking I'd have company. Anyway, she told me that I am going to have to put a tracking program on my pc which will keep track of all urls visited and will send reports to her. I will have to pay $6.95 a month for this. She said Jeremy is only allowed to use the internet because he is deaf and that is how he talks to his friends. Most s.o. are not allowed internet access as they troll for victims that way or look at porn. As a person with a true crime blog, I knew all this but it never personally affected me. Well guess what. It's affecting me. I passionately hate spyware and run programs to remove it daily but now I HAVE to have it and LE will know my surfing habits. This doen't bother because I have something to hide, rather it bothers me because this tracker will report where I go as well and I'm a very shy private person. Will I have to explain all the true crime blogs and sites I visit? I visit Crime Library daily to read the news and sometimes end up at pedo blogs or other unsavory sites. I go to perverted-justice.com a lot as I am a member of the forums.

This blog will be seen by Jeremy's probation officer as well. Why am I so uncomfortable? I don't know! The only thing that I can think of is that I have never liked the spotlight, I've never needed to be the center of attention, I hate online verbal slug fests and I don't like too many people to know my business because people like to gossip. But since I'm willingly putting my life in the public domain in a blog for others to read, I can't gripe too much. I wonder if this will change my blogging habits. I won't be editing or erasing my archives, but I wonder if I will be as candid in my daily blogging as I am now. Maybe I will, as there is much in my real life I never blog about. My problems are mine and I don't need to tell everyone everything, unlike some people who thrive on controversy. Oy.

I think I'm going to go back into counseling as I need someone neutral to talk to about this and other things. Not many things discombobulate me, but messing with my privacy is one of them. I have issues with trust and personal safety as someone broke into my home on Jan. 1, 1997 and sexually assaulted me. I hadn't thought of that for quite a while, but it's back in my nightmares and thoughts. Yes, I need to see a counselor again.

I see my doctor Friday so I will tell him what is going on and see what he says. I also hope he will do something with my right arm because it is still hurting and burning and even lifting my coffee mug is painful. I feel like all I'm doing is bitching, but under the circumstances, you'll have that.

Have a good week kittens and stay safe and sound. xoxo

~Mel pondered at 7:08 pm Wednesday

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June 11, 2006 -ouch

Hello kittens. Sorry about the shameless birthday plug. ^_^ I haven't been online much as my right arm is hurting very badly from my index finger to my neck. It takes 6 ibuprofens (not all at once!) to get the pain down to a managable level. I don't know if it's tendonitis or carpel tunnel. I hate doctors, but I guess I should have it checked out. I need to find one I can walk to and that takes Medicaid. It's been like this for a couple of weeks and the pain is getting tedious. Frak.

I'm hoping you all had a lovely weekend. The weather here has been strange. Last week it was in the 80s and 90s, this week it was in the 60s, dropping down to 45 at night. In June?! In Ohio?! It must be global warming. Nobody is going to care until it's too late. That's just like mankind.

I really can't type, it's hurting something fierce, so I'll leave you all with good wishes for the coming week. Be safe kittens!

~Mel pondered at 3:22 pm Sunday

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June 08, 2006 -more progress

Hello. I didn't get back online yesterday. The Puppy Couple drove by and saw us walking home after meeting with Jeremy's P.O., so we ended up hanging out with them. The meeting went well, his P.O. is very nice just like Deputy Bradley. There is a worker in the office who signs with interperter quality as his best friend is deaf, so I won't need to go there with Jeremy every month. He was given permission to stay overnight at the Puppy Couple's house with me and to attend the Deaf Weekend at Cedar Point. I've noticed and am grateful for the fact that Jeremy is very nice with LE, he never potrays attitude or acts like this is all a pain to him. He's very respectful and cooperative as am I. He didn't get a drug test yesterday which surprised me as I thought that was done on the first visit. His P.O. said she will visit a couple of times a month and I assured her that will be no problem as we are usually home. Jeremy has been so much more relaxed since he finally got registered and I see him smile and kid around again. I've missed my son, so it's heart-warming to watch movies with him or surf online together and just talk and talk. He wants a job and a car, but says he doesn't want to date anyone. I don't blame him, I just wish he didn't have to be stuck at home with me so much. Ah well, we'll see what happens.

I feel like I can finally breathe and I'm actually sleeping 8 hours a night. I haven't done that for over a year. Everything else is pretty much the same, but it sure is nice to smile and laugh again! :P

Thanks to all my friends for caring, you guys rock. Have a good Friday and be safe. xoxo

~Mel pondered at 3:38 pm Thursday

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June 07, 2006 -progress

Greetings kittens. We finally got Jeremy registered yesterday. Deputy Bradley is the nicest officer I've dealt with in this whole mess. He was kind and courteous and explained every detail to me so I could explain it all to Jeremy. Today at 3:15 pm we see Jeremy's probation officer for the first time and then we can both relax. I'll blog more after we get back.

~Mel pondered at 1:20 pm Wednesday

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June 02, 2006 -oy vey

It seems as one stresser ends another takes it's place. Jeremy was given 5 days after his release Friday to register with the county sheriff. I called that afternoon when we got to the Puppy Couple's house and was told to call Tuesday to make an appointment. I did and was told to call Wednesday. I did and Officer Bradley said he had to be in court and not to come that day. I asked if someone else could take care of it and he said he was the only one. I called Thursday and he said to come between 1 pm and 3 pm today. I don't have a car so I paid $4.50 to go to the sheriff's office which is out in the country near the county jail. The county has a program called CARTS to pick up people who need rides. When I called them they said we would be picked up at 12:50. Well, 1:30 came and went so I called CARTS and was told the driver forgot to pick us up. He finally did and we got to the sheriff's office. For some reason the driver came in with us (we were his only passengers) and I went up to the intercom and said we were there to have my son register. In a clear loud voice through the intercom the voice said "A sex offender?" I could have died. I meekly said yes and was told to go next door to the jail to see Officer Bradley. We went up the hill and into the jail to be told through another intercom that Officer Bradley was not in today, call Monday and make another appointment. I asked if Jeremy would get in trouble as he only had 5 days to register and it is way past that and the deputy said "Not that I'm aware of." I was mortified because the driver heard it all. I then asked the driver if he could take us to Circle K, a convenience store about 4 blocks from home. He said it would cost another $4.50. I paid it as it was pouring rain and we went inside to get some food for the weekend. When we came out, the van had left. We had to walk home in the rain carrying bags of groceries with me very ticked off.

Jeremy got an email from his probation officer this afternoon telling him his file was faxed to the sheriff's office and threatening him with prison if he hadn't registered. I emailed her back explaining that we are trying desperately to fulfill the law but if the deputy isn't there, what could we do? The police don't care if I have no car or little money. Jeremy is deaf so he had no idea what was said and that I was embarrassed. The stress of people finding out about him is awful. Our address will be online and I was told his P.O. could show up anytime and search the house for drugs or alcohol. We have nothing to hide but I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of searches as I'm a very private person. When the house was for sale I found people looking in my closets and refrigerator intrusive. I have a very nosy downstairs neighbor who would die of curiosity if police come to the house. She would gossip about it to my landlady who lives 2 houses down from me. I don't want anyone to know about Jeremy that doesn't need to. I guess it's just hitting me now how it will be for the next 3 years of his probation. He has to register for 10 years. The euphoria of having him home has been replaced by anxiety about following all his rules. I have to be with him to interpet, so I will have to deal with every aspect of his life from now on. I am shaky and upset. People are going to make judgements about him and that bothers me. I thought I was thick skinned by now but I guess not. I will call again Monday (I'm so glad I got a phone) and I'll pay once again to go to the sheriff's office and maybe he will be there this time. I won't hold my breath.

I am really stressed right now and I want to hide from the world which is not possible given the circumstances. I have nobody to talk to about this, it's all foreign to me, but I must deal with it. I really hope my anxiety will go away and things will settle down, but I wonder. I have not had good experiences with law enforcement since this all happened and I feel like a trapped bug under a microscope.

I hope everyone has a good weekend. One of Jeremy's friends is coming to see him tonight and he is happy about that. I am just going to curl up with a good book and try not to think. I might change some layouts on my sites as working with html relaxes me. That and a few Ativans. Take care kittens.

~Mel pondered at 11:18 pm Friday

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June 01, 2006 -this n that

Greetings kittens. Almost half the year is gone already. Wow. I haven't been online much as I'm letting Jeremy hog the computer. :P

He's settled in, redecorated his room and it looks really nice. We went to the SSI office yesterday so he will start getting his money in about 2 weeks. He can finish paying off his bond and splitting the bills with me will help so much. His friends will be stopping by to see him soon, he can't wait. I'm still so tickled he's home!

He has a curfew of 10 pm to 6 am, but that is not a problem as he wants to follow all the rules of his probation and not go back to prison. There are many rules to follow, but he understands them all and I'm glad. Tomorrow we have to go to the sheriff's office and give them our address and phone number. I finally got a cell phone! Now I will be more independent and not have to borrow one when I need to call somewhere.

Not much is going on. Since it's almost the weekend, I hope it's a good one for all of you. Take care and be safe. xoxo

~Mel pondered at 3:35 pm Thursday

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