Mar. 31, 2005--what now?

Omg, I have a horrible toothache, my left wisdom tooth is impacted and they told me 10 years ago it would have to be removed, but it's never bothered me until now. I started an antibiotic today and I'm taking Advil, but it's still kicking my face in. Nothing hurts like a toothache or a burn. I hate them both. *holds throbbing jaw*

I keep getting these infections, I know it's from the stress of the last year. Things have got to calm down and I have to relax or I'm going to get sick. And I already know tomorrow is going to suck hard core and it's like 'oh well, you'll have that'. I'm worn out and now the left side of my jaw is throbbing. What doesn't make you stronger will make you crazy...

pondered at 4:20pm Thursday

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Mar. 29, 2005--my foolish son

Well. The bond comes off Jeremy on Friday at which time he will be remanded to the county jail in Youngstown. All because he didn't tell anyone where he was until it was too late. He is going to learn a hard lesson. I understand why this is happening but I don't have to like it. I'm beginning to think Jeremy doesn't have much common sense. How much of it is his deafness and how much of it is him being irresponsible? Why would he deliberately screw himself out of his freedom by not telling his attorney where he is? Why? "I didn't understand" or "I forgot" is not going to cut it. He blew it. And instead of this incident bringing his family together, it has ripped us apart. There are some wounds which will not be forgiven and some that will take time to heal. I'm tired, I'm worn out, I'm old and I just want some peace and quiet. Oh my foolish, foolish son. *goes off to cry*

pondered at 9:30pm Tuesday

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Mar. 24, 2005--I'm so broken

I have reached the depths of despair. Jeremy's main co-signer (who signed for $20,000) is taking his name off the bond next week. Actually everyone but me is taking their name off. Since I have nothing, my signature is useless but oh well. Jeremy found an apt a couple of hours away and he apparently moved there. (His stuff is still here.) The problem with that is he didn't inform his attorney or the bail bondsman which goes against the plea aggreement. So now everyone is emailing me, frantic he's going to flee and not show up for his sentencing. My foolish son. It's so hard to remember to think of EVERYTHING and take nothing for granted with Jeremy, like assuming he told his attorney where he is. I don't even have his new addy yet! If he doesn't get a hold of his attorney by tomorrow, he will be picked up and put back in jail. After all we went through... All I do is cry. For him, for myself, for shattered hopes and dreams, ruined lives and general injustice. He hasn't been online for a few days, so I haven't been able to tell him what's going on. There is nothing I can do but hope he checks his email and gets online before it's too late. I am in a deep dark chasm and it's filling up with my tears.

pondered at 12:52pm Thursday

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Mar. 21, 2005--mood swing

What can I say, I just suddenly wanted a red blog.

pondered at 11:05pm Monday

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Mar. 20, 2005--they are starving her to death



*On March 31, 2005 at approximately 9.05am, Terri Schindler-Schiavo lost her nearly 14 day struggle against starvation and dehydration and died at the Hospice Woodside in Pinellas Park, Florida. Her family was not permitted to be with her as she passed.

pondered at 11:03am Sunday

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Mar. 14, 2005--this n that

Hello kittens. I'm blogging. I used to love to blog, but I've been so depressed lately I just haven't felt like it. *sigh* I've polished my sites, made some new pages and even entered another web site competition. I'm keeping myself mentally busy. I took a glorious walk this morning, the air was crisp with the promise of spring. Jeremy left to visit all his friends before he has to "go away" (that will be the euphanism for prison) so it's very quiet and lonely here. I seem to have intense creative bursts when I'm feeling at odds with everything, so maybe I'll make another site or something. Just what I need, 19 sites. It takes 2-3 hours a day to vote for myself and to update my pages that change daily. It's turned into a lot of work! lol I have no one to blame but my silly self...

pondered at 8:33pm Monday

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Mar. 10, 2005--creativity soothes the soul

Lessee, I've been here, here, and here.

pondered at 10:12pm Thursday

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Mar. 05, 2005--seems appropriate or I'm just in a morbid mood

Hige sceal þe heardra, heorte þe cenre, mod sceal þe mare þe ure maegen lytlað.
Will shall be the sterner, heart the bolder, spirit the greater as our strength lessens.

pondered at 2:52pm Sunday

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Mar. 05, 2005--ho hum

Hello kittens. I am all moved into my cozy new apt, I like it here much better than my old one. It's bigger, yet cheaper and right in the center of town so I can walk everywhere! I am going to the library on Monday, I can't believe I'll have access to books again. Guess which ones I'm going to get first?!? LOTR! Wo0t! I used to read 5 books a week, but I haven't been able to for about 2 years as the library was 5 rugged miles away. (I live in BFE Ohio. It's not bad as I'm a hermit at heart.) :P Look for some updates, I'll be working on this soon as I am almost done unpacking, whew!

Jeremy's sentencing date was moved up to April 26th. Now they are going to dick around with that date, resceduling madly as they have done throughout this whole case. Any slight ray of joy just left as I think of the months to come. We are struggling with writing Jeremy's personal statement for the judge to read at his sentencing. He has to answer questions such as "why did you commit the crime?" and "why should I, the judge, believe you? This is a nightmare that will not go away...

pondered at 9:02pm Saturday

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